I've been half assed joking about having a ghost in this single girl villa, as I find cupboard doors open sometimes, and different locks engaged at different times. I was almost frantic in my insistence that my bed not be in the intended spot. I needed the room to be set up differently than others might do. More on that in a paragraph or two. (We bloggers call this foreshadowing.)
Tuesday afternoon, I took the dogs to Grams' place to let on of her co residents play with them. She has begged me to leave them for her in the past. I went to have my hair done, the grey hairs are gone for now. I came home to find the kitchen door had been forced open. Even better, the deadbolt was still engaged. The door frame was split in a few places. Nothing was missing, and I truly credit the dogs for deterring anyone from coming in. I called the police, and they flipped the place pretty good to see if anyone was hiding in here. One cop in particular was kind, and offered a few ideas on better locks. He was not wearing a wedding ring, and my neighbor has been suggesting ever since that my next husband should be in law enforcement.
The neighbors. Quite a few came out to see what three police cars were doing in front of my place. One lady remarked that she hasn't seen so much action here 'since the last lady that lived here died.' I kid you not! In speaking to the girl upstairs, and the boys in the next apartment, I found out that woman who lived here died in her bed, apparently having drank herself to death. Color me shocked. I asked a realtor friend if full disclosure was required in a rental status. He responded that it's not required in a rental situation, and apologized if in fact, I had rented the Manson Mansion. I came back with I rented the Leaving Las Vegas Villa.
I will be burning some sage right away, and hoping for a little more peace around here.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
I am....... Comfortably numb
I haven't been to therapy for almost two months. I am getting ready to pay this months rent, and with car payments, phone, pet care, etc, I haven't spent the money for it. Don't get me wrong, I still eat out nearly every meal. I just can't bring myself to cook.
I love my therapist. She's a delight, and I love that she cusses when she speaks of my ex husband. One of the last things we discussed was making the effort to feel everything. She says I internalize everything. I used to be a complete hothead that would scream anything at any time. Maybe I'm mature? What in the Hell does that mean? My goal is to think of something each day and remember how I felt about it. Happy? What was happening at that time? How did I feel? Was there a physical response? The same thing applies to any other emotion. For a few months now, I really think I've been trying to live like this. More often than not, when a particular event has passed, I look back and think, 'no big deal.' I know there is more to life than this, but am going to focus on it, and enjoy more.
Saturday night at work, I lost my temper on a hostess that was merely attempting to communicate about a table that was going to be seated in my station. The other team members loved it! They loved that I finally did something with true emotion. Sure, we joke around there, and I've had a few in depth conversations with a select few of my coworkers. But for the whole team to see my flip, was highly entertaining for them. I did my best to revisit the anger, to see what was the cause. I was tired. I hadn't had a day off in two weeks. I was schedule off last Saturday, but picked it up for a sick coworker. I was off today, and i did not work even though I need the money. I was thrilled to stay home, and was less than pleased to have the stupid Country music that plays in the Steakhouse in my head. I slept most of the day.
I made an mistake with Gram's today. I felt awful. I ventured out with the dogs, and was surprised it was so hot. We took off in Gram's direction, and stopped in to see her. She put her shoes on, and expected to leave. We walked close to half a mile to an area that looks over the river and we sat there for a while. I saw she was red, and suggested we get back. I was kicking myself for not having water with us. I didn't have my phone, either. Remember? This was a little trip with the dogs that became out of hand. We made it back, but Gram's had to rest on the way back a few times, and the dogs and I were ready to collapse. The wind! My ball cap came off a few times. I heard it had reached 70 MPH! I barely made the walk back to our place. We were all overheated and thirsty. I feel terrible for putting Grams in such a position. I called my mom and confessed to her, and she said it sounded like I did the right things. And if the caregivers were worried about my Grams they would have called an ambulance for her. So, for now, all's well that ends well.
I love my therapist. She's a delight, and I love that she cusses when she speaks of my ex husband. One of the last things we discussed was making the effort to feel everything. She says I internalize everything. I used to be a complete hothead that would scream anything at any time. Maybe I'm mature? What in the Hell does that mean? My goal is to think of something each day and remember how I felt about it. Happy? What was happening at that time? How did I feel? Was there a physical response? The same thing applies to any other emotion. For a few months now, I really think I've been trying to live like this. More often than not, when a particular event has passed, I look back and think, 'no big deal.' I know there is more to life than this, but am going to focus on it, and enjoy more.
Saturday night at work, I lost my temper on a hostess that was merely attempting to communicate about a table that was going to be seated in my station. The other team members loved it! They loved that I finally did something with true emotion. Sure, we joke around there, and I've had a few in depth conversations with a select few of my coworkers. But for the whole team to see my flip, was highly entertaining for them. I did my best to revisit the anger, to see what was the cause. I was tired. I hadn't had a day off in two weeks. I was schedule off last Saturday, but picked it up for a sick coworker. I was off today, and i did not work even though I need the money. I was thrilled to stay home, and was less than pleased to have the stupid Country music that plays in the Steakhouse in my head. I slept most of the day.
I made an mistake with Gram's today. I felt awful. I ventured out with the dogs, and was surprised it was so hot. We took off in Gram's direction, and stopped in to see her. She put her shoes on, and expected to leave. We walked close to half a mile to an area that looks over the river and we sat there for a while. I saw she was red, and suggested we get back. I was kicking myself for not having water with us. I didn't have my phone, either. Remember? This was a little trip with the dogs that became out of hand. We made it back, but Gram's had to rest on the way back a few times, and the dogs and I were ready to collapse. The wind! My ball cap came off a few times. I heard it had reached 70 MPH! I barely made the walk back to our place. We were all overheated and thirsty. I feel terrible for putting Grams in such a position. I called my mom and confessed to her, and she said it sounded like I did the right things. And if the caregivers were worried about my Grams they would have called an ambulance for her. So, for now, all's well that ends well.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Oh bla di, oh, blah da, life goes on.........
The annulment has been final for over a month now. Did I mention it was granted by Alan's request and was based on financial fraud? He claimed I married him only for money. As if. Everyone who truly knows me knows that I am not financially motivated. I married that freak show purely for love, and his hands that have warmed me, and soothed me when I was awaiting surgery for herniated discs in my neck. May I remind, you, gentle reader, that I did not go to court, so I can't complain about anything. I will say, however, that nowhere in the documents was it stated that I want to return to my maiden name?
I heard from Alan's lawyer, and I have to write my own letter to the judge asking to change my name. All I have to do is write a letter, and I haven't done it yet. I was off work tonight, and chose to spend the evening with Grams. I took her to DQ for a Blizzard, and she cried the whole way home, thanking me for getting her out. I love her so very much.
Tomorrow is April First! April Fool's! I have mentioned to my niece and nephew that I will be stopping by tomorrow to bring them Sponge Cake. I have actually frosted two sponges, covered them in sprinkles, and will swing by after school tomorrow to see the looks on their faces when they try to cut off a piece of it. I will try to get video of that!
My dogs are living on the edge these days -I live on a Main Street now,and they are always on high alert as others walk by with their dogs. There are teenage drinkers that sit on the concrete wall late at night, and I have another neighbor that calls the police, so I'm not too terribly worried.
The neighbor. She's probably in her 60's, and retired. She's pretty funny, but is generally over here a few times a day when I'm putting the dogs out. It doesn't matter if I'm in my jammies at 7am, or it's 3:45 and I have to be at work by 4, she will stand there explaining any number of things to me about the neighborhood or city. She has a good heart, and I realize that I will be her in 20 years or so, anyway.
It seems my whole family and I have geeked out on the Decorah Eagle cam. The eagles have laid three eggs that are due to hatch any day. That's the attached link.
http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles
I heard from Alan's lawyer, and I have to write my own letter to the judge asking to change my name. All I have to do is write a letter, and I haven't done it yet. I was off work tonight, and chose to spend the evening with Grams. I took her to DQ for a Blizzard, and she cried the whole way home, thanking me for getting her out. I love her so very much.
Tomorrow is April First! April Fool's! I have mentioned to my niece and nephew that I will be stopping by tomorrow to bring them Sponge Cake. I have actually frosted two sponges, covered them in sprinkles, and will swing by after school tomorrow to see the looks on their faces when they try to cut off a piece of it. I will try to get video of that!
My dogs are living on the edge these days -I live on a Main Street now,and they are always on high alert as others walk by with their dogs. There are teenage drinkers that sit on the concrete wall late at night, and I have another neighbor that calls the police, so I'm not too terribly worried.
The neighbor. She's probably in her 60's, and retired. She's pretty funny, but is generally over here a few times a day when I'm putting the dogs out. It doesn't matter if I'm in my jammies at 7am, or it's 3:45 and I have to be at work by 4, she will stand there explaining any number of things to me about the neighborhood or city. She has a good heart, and I realize that I will be her in 20 years or so, anyway.
It seems my whole family and I have geeked out on the Decorah Eagle cam. The eagles have laid three eggs that are due to hatch any day. That's the attached link.
http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles
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